In Country
It sounds I think like the litany from some long forgotten religion
like wind in a forest
the rhyming sinuous chant of tongues
music to my dreams
lost in you
lost in you
music of bitterness played sweet sounding
music near music
voiceless incantations
lost to you
lost to eternal quietude
lost to me
lost to you
bound by iron bands
inseparable
your flesh
my body
your bitterness
my pain
your life
my certain death
your wish for final peace
carried to the edge of night
while I seek the earthy coarseness of you
your musk
your deathly wish
Your darkness swirls…curls round my face
hides you forcing my memory
to construct fictitious realities
to draw a nourishing meal from glass and sand
to carry you gentle in the palm of my hand
respectful of your fragile nature
creating for me an impossible burden
seeking love in lusterless eyes
understanding from your limited mind
a place in your bitter world
softness against ancient pottery shards
Sometimes in dreams I see your face
soft unmarked as never in life
I almost love you
almost reach out to touch your skin
to cry for you as no one ever cried for you
to allow you to need me
even across the ultimate boundary
to be the son you never permitted
closing the miles
but those desires cannot reach you
so on I go as best I can
seeking my own forgiveness
walking life’s edges on moonless nights
moving carefully through unmapped territories
where fear seeps through me as blood through a bandage
fouling my vision compounding my danger
forcing me to caress your toadstool flesh
to embrace you close to my heart in pretended salvation
to move through fear soaked territory in godless grace
demanding survival from an indifferent universe
while full of salty blustering arrogance learned from you
punctuated by the quiet slosh of water in my canteens
Sing me please a silly song
allow me the foole in you
walk with me through this foul and terrible land
this waking nightmare
hold me to your breast
please…
make my death easy
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