for alwynne pritchard
Monologue for a Crisis
Yeah, hey, it’s me – look, I only have a minute to let you know what’s going on, so I’m going to take advantage of the situation and try to fill you in on the big things. You know, life has a strange way of turning out. I keep having to learn this, but each time it happens, I feel surprised and often at odds on how to manage it. Kinda funny how I usually would tell a cat story, but for now, I’m gonna skip it.
My art exhibition last month was a success, as was the paper I wrote for Amsterdam – so, things are professionally going well. Soon, I am going to write about Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata because I have nothing to lose at this point in my career. I’ve been reading a lot – mostly about Buddhism and John Cage. But I’ve also been working on some creative projects. I find myself consoled by painting and sometimes composing music. But mostly, it’s about writing. I’m gonna blog about fear too. You see, I have been feeling fear all my god damned life – fear of my opinion, my body, my work, my future, my you-name-it – and what has that gotten me? Mostly a life of half-botched stabs at greatness – or at least, what I thought should’ve been greatness. It seems that I greatly misjudged– not great and not bad but more like something in between – like a meal that looks super delicious but turns out to be meh.
Maybe the biggest thing is that I left the US for good. I’m in Estonia now – I know, crazy right? Lots of beautiful things here, but also lots that make it more challenging to be fully myself – anyway, the cat – yeah, what I probably should say is that in my next life, I want to be a cat. Not like a feral cat or one that is ignored by its family, but rather like one of those Norwegian Forest cats – all noble and shit. Yeah. That’s what I want to be next. A fucking majestic Norwegian Forest cat.
Anyway, hoping you and those you love are all okay.
©2020, Paul Beaudoin. All Rights Reserved
Leave a Comment